Band Name: This is going to be a test of the Grand Unifying Theory. As you will know, I have already reviewed an earlier Mastodon Album. The name is the same, but the cover art has changed. The Verdict: we shall see!
Album Art: Unlike Remission, which has totally brutal album art of a horse’s guts […]
Band Name: Dying Fetus is either militantly pro-life, or militantly heavy fucking metal. And I mean like, Satan’s cool, kill your dog heavy. I think I’m going to place my money on the latter. The Verdict: Where’s Meowstro…?
Album Art: Dying Fetus is notoriously heavy. Their album covers are also notoriously sucky. Really, this is […]
Band Name: Death From Above 1979 got sued by Death From Above records (you know, The Rapture’s label before they got all overproduced by Universal), but DFA1979 is from Canada, so they do not have any laws! That’s how badass they are! The Verdict: They’re outlaws, Dotty, rebels.
Album Art: This cover is sick! Dear graphic […]
Band Name: D.S.13 stands for Demon System 13. What the fuck, dudes? I know you are Swedish, but Demon System, are you serious? At least you could have been cool like YNGWIE and named yourself after a piece of modernist IKEA furniture. I hope they tour in a Volvo. The Verdict: More like Demon Suckyname […]
Band Name: Stacy Peralta is so crucially skate thrash. Honestly, I’m shocked that nobody else hasn’t called their supersweet skate band Bones Brigade. You’d think they’d have checked that one off the list circa 1982. The Verdict: The only skate band with a better name is S.T.R.E.E.T.S., which you just can’t rival.
Album Art: I’m […]
Band Name: I like pigs. Why would anyone want to destroy a pig? They just wallow around all day, they aren’t hurting anyone!! THEY ARE CUTE DIDN’T YOU SEE THE MOVIE BABE OR CHARLOTTES WEB?? THEY MAKE OINK NOISES!! Only the heaviest of heavy metal dudes would want to destroy such a wonderful barnyard denizen, […]
Band Name: Lightning Bolts never strike the same place twice. Unless that place is Provi-dance, RI, in which case they strike with rather alarming regularity. The Verdict: Lighting Bolt: there’s one between the AC and the DC.
Album Art: If Pablo Picasso, Hans Hoffman, and a 10 year old boy got into a fight, I’m pretty […]
Band Name: Cliche o’ Crust #1: All crust bands must begin with “Dis-”. Check.
Album Art: Cliche o’ Crust #2: All crust band logos must be in some sort of distressed typeface that looks like it has just endured The Collapse. Check. Cliche o’ Crust #3: All crust album covers must be a crappy collage of […]
Band Name: If you are Swedish and your name is Yngwie, either you are a piece of furniture from IKEA, or you are destined to play shred guitar like it’s nobody’s business. The Verdict: Pretty sure I’m sitting on the YNGWIE chair right now…
Album Art: While most heavy metal guitarists do battle with dragons figuratively, […]
Band Name: Since they have a completely gratuitous heavy-metal umlaut in their name, they automatically are awesome as per the Gratuitous Umlaut Clause. Fun Fact: Lemmy was originally going to name the band Bastard, which would have sucked. Unless he named it Bastärd. The Verdict: Awesome and heavy metal.
Album Art: WHAT! Is this some kind […]