Band Name: Dying Fetus is either militantly pro-life, or militantly heavy fucking metal. And I mean like, Satan’s cool, kill your dog heavy. I think I’m going to place my money on the latter. The Verdict: Where’s Meowstro…?
Album Art: Dying Fetus is notoriously heavy. Their album covers are also notoriously sucky. Really, this is […]
Band Name: D.S.13 stands for Demon System 13. What the fuck, dudes? I know you are Swedish, but Demon System, are you serious? At least you could have been cool like YNGWIE and named yourself after a piece of modernist IKEA furniture. I hope they tour in a Volvo. The Verdict: More like Demon Suckyname […]
Band Name: Cliche o’ Crust #1: All crust bands must begin with “Dis-”. Check.
Album Art: Cliche o’ Crust #2: All crust band logos must be in some sort of distressed typeface that looks like it has just endured The Collapse. Check. Cliche o’ Crust #3: All crust album covers must be a crappy collage of […]
Band Name: Since they have a completely gratuitous heavy-metal umlaut in their name, they automatically are awesome as per the Gratuitous Umlaut Clause. Fun Fact: Lemmy was originally going to name the band Bastard, which would have sucked. Unless he named it Bastärd. The Verdict: Awesome and heavy metal.
Album Art: WHAT! Is this some kind […]
Band Name: If you’ve got a gun, shoot ‘em in the head, that’s a sure way to kill ‘em. If not, grab a torch or a club. Beat ‘em or burn ‘em, the Creepniks go down pretty easy. The Verdict: A truly awesome horror band name that sounds like it would be a truly […]
Band Name: Clearly, they wanted to have the acronym ABC, and just had to find some words to make it happen. Absolutely Boring Claptrap? No, that won’t work. AirBorne Cops? No. Assless Bunny Chaps? Definitely not. Another Bad Creation? YES! The Verdict: Another Bad Band Name.
Album Art: Holy shit. Holy. Shit. Those 7 year old […]
Band Name: Tom Waits. Again with the real name thing, I can’t really make fun of it. And it’s a pretty good name. The Verdict: Good.
Album Art: Hand-colored photographs? When will the Supreme Court just go ahead and make them illegal? That dude with the bow-tie. He’s totally going to give it to baldie after […]
Band Name: Hellnation. The Verdict: Hellnation is in your face!
Album Art: You have got to be kidding me. Where’s the pile of skulls, dudes? Nowhere! There is one token skull, but it’s all cartoony and not very hardcore at all. What color is the rest of the cover? Purple?! The Verdict: Horrible.
The Music: You […]