Band Name: This is going to be a test of the Grand Unifying Theory. As you will know, I have already reviewed an earlier Mastodon Album. The name is the same, but the cover art has changed. The Verdict: we shall see!
Album Art: Unlike Remission, which has totally brutal album art of a horse’s guts […]
Band Name: Dying Fetus is either militantly pro-life, or militantly heavy fucking metal. And I mean like, Satan’s cool, kill your dog heavy. I think I’m going to place my money on the latter. The Verdict: Where’s Meowstro…?
Album Art: Dying Fetus is notoriously heavy. Their album covers are also notoriously sucky. Really, this is […]
Band Name: Cliche o’ Crust #1: All crust bands must begin with “Dis-”. Check.
Album Art: Cliche o’ Crust #2: All crust band logos must be in some sort of distressed typeface that looks like it has just endured The Collapse. Check. Cliche o’ Crust #3: All crust album covers must be a crappy collage of […]
Band Name: Since they have a completely gratuitous heavy-metal umlaut in their name, they automatically are awesome as per the Gratuitous Umlaut Clause. Fun Fact: Lemmy was originally going to name the band Bastard, which would have sucked. Unless he named it Bastärd. The Verdict: Awesome and heavy metal.
Album Art: WHAT! Is this some kind […]
Band Name: Goblin Cock? Are you kidding me? Your band’s name is “Goblin” + “Cock”? Even if you are the heaviest of heavy metal bands, that is inexcusably bad. The only person allowed to use “Goblin” is David Bowie in Labyrinth. The Verdict: Please.
Album Art: Well, well, well. A goblin with a big cock. Who […]
Band Name: Clearly, they wanted to have the acronym ABC, and just had to find some words to make it happen. Absolutely Boring Claptrap? No, that won’t work. AirBorne Cops? No. Assless Bunny Chaps? Definitely not. Another Bad Creation? YES! The Verdict: Another Bad Band Name.
Album Art: Holy shit. Holy. Shit. Those 7 year old […]
Band Name: Tom Waits. Again with the real name thing, I can’t really make fun of it. And it’s a pretty good name. The Verdict: Good.
Album Art: Hand-colored photographs? When will the Supreme Court just go ahead and make them illegal? That dude with the bow-tie. He’s totally going to give it to baldie after […]
Band Name: They named their band "Base" instead of "Bass" as an erudite literary pun, eloquently demonstrating their complete grasp of the English language. That, and they didn’t want people to think they were the Ace of Bass (the freshwater fish of large- and smallmouth variety). The Verdict: A Masterwork.
Album Art: This cover is terrible. […]
Band Name: You can’t really make fun of someone’s real name. And besides, Sufjan is a pretty cool name. The Verdict: Good
Album Art: It looks like a moody LJ pic that he took with the self-timer. The Verdict: Bad.
The Music: Think everything Sufjan touches turns to gold? You obviously haven’t heard his debut! Some of […]
Band Name: Dada Swing. I simply do not care if Duchamp or Tzara were into having anonymous sex with many partners. The Verdict: Not catchy in the least.
Album Art: Someone’s little brother just learned 3d Studio Max! The Verdict: Horrible.
The Music: This album is just plain weird. There’s a pretty good, albeit fairly trite, […]