Band Name: Goblin Cock? Are you kidding me? Your band’s name is “Goblin” + “Cock”? Even if you are the heaviest of heavy metal bands, that is inexcusably bad. The only person allowed to use “Goblin” is David Bowie in Labyrinth. The Verdict: Please.
Album Art: Well, well, well. A goblin with a big cock. Who […]
As I haven’t written a record review in a while, Mr. Ben Privett answers the question, who would win in a fight… Tom Waits or Charles Bronson?
Charles Bronson has unlimited arsenal, a steely stare, and a small Mexican man to carry his ammunition. Charles also has no remorse towards the killing of others. He also […]
Band Name: Mastodons are like giant, hairy, prehistoric elephants. Except that they have huge tusks, specially bred for slaying and impaling non-believers of metal. The Verdict: Awesome, despite going extinct.
Album Art: How sick is this cover? There is a warhorse, whose guts are being exploded by the fury of pure, unrestrained heavy metal at a […]
Band Name: Since they have a completely gratuitous heavy-metal umlaut in their name, they automatically are awesome as per the Gratuitous Umlaut Clause. Fun Fact: Lemmy was originally going to name the band Bastard, which would have sucked. Unless he named it Bastärd. The Verdict: Awesome and heavy metal.
Album Art: WHAT! Is this some kind […]