What is the Grand Unifying Theory of Rock?
The Grand Unifying Theory of Rock is my attempt to make the most shallow music review site of all time.
Each review is a test of a theory I thought up, which I call the "Grand Unifying Theory of Rock and Roll." This theory states that the quality of any album can be judged based on the band’s name and the album’s cover art alone. For you math nerds out there, album is good if and only if band name is good and cover art is good.
Clauses:
- The Time Clause states that terrible album covers can be ignored if it is obviously the product of a time in history with exceptionally bad visual taste. For instance, The Best of the Velvet Underground or The Stooges self-title. Both of these terrible covers can also be blamed on John Cale. Maybe I’ll add a John Cale clause too…
- The John Cale clause. Every post-VU album produced by John Cale may or may not suck, and probably has crappy art.
- The Gratuitous Ümlaut clause states that any band name with one or more gratuitous umlaut is immediately awesome, without the need for further evaluation.